Many a time we think that others or situations make us angry. However, if the anger wasn’t within already, there would be nothing to trigger it. That’s not to say the external factors or people could not have done things differently but the fact that our response was anger versus another reaction, gives us a clue as to what unconscious patterns lie within us. All of us have unconsciously soaked up different ways of being from our early influences in life and then gone onto form habits of ways of being. These different ways of being have led us to be the individuals we are today. Some of these unconscious ways of being have been helpful and others have not been so helpful. When we encounter situations where our boundaries have been trespassed on, ignored or disregarded, various hot trigger buttons can be pushed. It is all too easy to blame the messenger who pushed the trigger button but if we look a bit deeper, it would be far more useful to explore the anger within. The anger is but a messenger to other issues that are lying within.
People are often made to feel less than or guilty when they get angry because of the resulting words and actions. It’s important to examine why we got angry in the first place and then decide whether we want this underlying pattern of being or program of thought in our life. Where do we feel the anger in our bodies? Is it in our neck? In our gut? In our chest? Our body has received all our emotions. Isn’t it time to let go of that which no longer serves us? Recognizing that the anger is within and that the person who pushed that button of anger was in fact doing us a favor by showing us that we are housing emotions inside that could be covering up deeper layers such as fear, sadness, a sense of lack and many other emotions. We then have to make a clear choice, as to whether this way of being actually serves us and whether we would like to gain access to the deeper emotions in a different way. It’s challenging being present to emotions that have been laid buried for so long but in order to truly understand and value ourselves, we need to become present to everything that lies within us, to make a choice based in self-love. We can never truly be loving to others no matter how hard we try, if we have not first made peace with ourselves.
Loving ourselves enough to let go of anything that we may have inadvertently absorbed over the years is truly being kind to ourselves. When anger arises, it is imperative that we look at what lies beneath it and make a choice. A choice to deal with the underlying issue in a way that is more harmonious to us. Through conscious decision making every time anger arises and not shaming the feeling of anger or trying to suppress it, we find that if the underlying feeling of lack or fear is addressed, the anger too dissipates and the actions that follow are more in alignment with who we truly are.
We have a choice. We get to choose how we feel in our space. We CHOOSE. No one else. Events can occur but WE GET TO CHOOSE how we respond. We then are more empowered to choose that feelings and behaviors which don’t serve us, leave our space and create a space for living in true harmonious freedom from within.
Note: This information is general and may not apply to your or another person. If you have any concerns about you or the health and wellbeing of a child, consult a doctor or other health care professional. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this blog/website/podcast. If you struggle with managing your anger or are in a situation of abuse and need further assistance, please seek further advice from a doctor or psychologist/counsellor.
- 1800RESPECT National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service: a national telephone and online counselling and referral service. Phone: 1800 737 732.
- Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline: provides counselling and referrals for male perpetrators, as well as male victims of family and domestic violence. Phone: (08) 9223 1199 or free call 1800 000 599.
- Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline: provides support and counselling for women experiencing family and domestic violence (including referrals to women’s refuges). Phone: (08) 9223 1188 or free call 1800 007 339.
- Crisis Care: information and counselling service for people in crisis needing urgent help. Phone: (08) 9223 1111 or free call 1800 199 008.
- MensLine Australia: 24/7 support for men and boys dealing with family and relationship difficulties. Support for men who are concerned that their behaviour is hurting the people they care about. Phone: 1300 78 99 78.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre: provides a range of free services to people affected by sexual violence. Phone: (08) 6458 1828 or free call 1800 199 888.
Dr Shivi Rayar 